On Being Known & Trusting We Matter.
For the last 5 months, I’ve gathered with a mix of group therapists / want-to-be group therapists for a monthly experiential training offered through the Northeastern Group Society of Psychotherapy.
While we had our last formal session yesterday I continue processing how this group of strangers got to know the essence of me whether I thought I was showing up with much to offer. Back in January, I just barely made the first orientation call, I was in transit switching from my phone to a laptop, after last minute receiving an invitation to join a dinner where I had the opportunity to meet someone who had been through a divorce.
I wondered what this professional experience / container would offer through this season of transition and grief. As we said goodbye, we reflected on what makes a “good goodbye.” In therapy speak, we call this the “termination process”- a significant phase of treatment that offers an opportunity we often don’t get in life. I quickly offered, to me, a good goodbye includes knowing how I’ve impacted someone, knowing they’ll carry me with them. After years of participating in different types of group therapy and experiential training spaces like this I had seen this modeled and decided to take the risk to invite feedback from others.
In other contexts I might have felt needy and desperate asking for such attention but here I felt proud of my courage and strength to give myself the gift of my impact on others. I’m still working to internalize and take in the strong response I received. Words of affirmation flowed in my direction. Reflections on my steadiness, groundedness, “all the C’s” [confidence, curiosity, creativity, calmness, clarity, connectedness], generosity, spirit, perceptive. A new colleague I greatly admire shared that they had sent an email to me after the first session reaching out with interest in becoming friends and yet I hadn’t replied. I didn’t recall ever receiving this and felt a punch of shame and guilt in my belly for the impact this had on their kind gesture. They shared they had been “drawn” to me and were interested in continuing to get to know one another.
As we were departing, I approached each participant for a hug and shared hopefulness for continued connections despite commenting earlier in the group how rarely these connections continue. It’s amazing how the brain can focus on the negative data when I truly have developed some unique connections in the group therapist professional arena! Another member suggested we jump on a call to figure out a new iteration of our group. A quieter member turned to me and expressed how much she love my style/vibe.
Most of the time we truly don’t know the impact we have on others. These experiences remind me of the true power of groups. The healing medicine that is group work. Even the most imperfect containers. Even when it feels like a lifetime happens between each meeting. There is something powerful that happens with the continuity. The witnessing. The universal hunger for connection and sharing. I may not have done any of the readings that I hope to return to at some point, but I gained the knowledge of something far more important: my presence matters.
Photo at a recent community building event!